Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction that tackles the topic about sexual abuse of a child and does not reflect any experience of a particular person.
Dear Diary
written by: Erika Yee
It was my last day being at home before moving into my college dorm the following day. Like what a normal teen would do, I decided to finally clean my room. While cleaning my room, I stumbled upon a box, and inside of it was a notebook. It was pink and had butterfly stickers on it which made me immediately recognize what that notebook was. Even though I knew what was in there, even if I don’t want to remember what that monster did to me, I still felt like opening it. Curiosity kills after all.
Date: November 17, 2010
Dear Diary,
Today mommy and daddy told me that they are leaving tomorrow and that they are going to be gone for 3 days. They said that it is for work and that they will be back soon. I miss them so much. I wanted to go but they said that it is for work and that I can't go with them because I still needed to go to school. Mommy and daddy said that my uncle will be here to take care of me and they told me that I should be a good girl and behave. I am excited to meet my uncle and have lots of fun. I want to go to the playground and go to the zoo with my uncle.
Goodnight diary,
Taylor
Date: November 20, 2010
Dear Diary,
I hate uncle. Today I thought we were going out. We stayed at home. He told me that we were going to play a game in my room. He said we will play princess. I followed him. Uncle said to change my clothes so that I would look like a princess. While changing he forced me to the bed and turned off the light. I couldn't move. He won't let me. I can't wait for mommy and daddy to go home. I don't want to see uncle ever again. I hope mommy and daddy won't go away again.
Goodnight diary,
Taylor
Date: November 22, 2010
Dear Diary,
Mommy said that I was growing up, that in a few years I won't be her baby girl anymore. I was scared. But mommy said that the bleeding will happen every month and that I should use a napkin so that I won't bleed in my bed next time. I thought something bad happened but mommy said to not worry because some girls get it earlier.
Goodnight diary,
Taylor
Date: December 20, 2010
Dear Diary,
We are going to have a family vacation for Christmas and I am really excited. While mommy and I were packing my clothes, she said that she has a gift for me. She gave me a bathing suit because she said we were going swimming, but I'm scared. I told her that I'm scared because I don't want to wear my underwear in front of other people again. Mommy said that it was fine because it was only for swimming. I don't want to go swimming anymore because I don't want it to happen again. I also thought that I was going to get my period again. I told mommy that it hasn’t come yet and that I thought that it comes every month. Which is why mommy and daddy are going to take a day off tomorrow to bring me to the doctors.
Goodnight diary,
Taylor
Date: January 1, 2011
Dear Diary,
I saw him again and I was so scared. Mommy and daddy said we were going to a family reunion to meet my cousins and my uncles and aunts. They said that even my uncle who babysat me was going to be there. I cried. I told them that I didn't want to go and that I want to stay home but they made me go. When I saw uncle, I held daddy's hand really tight. Uncle hugged me and kissed me and said that he missed me. Daddy said that uncle will come over again to take care of me because he and mommy has a lot of work to do. Uncle was really excited but I was scared. I also think that what the doctor told me about my tear near my reproductive organ was because of uncle. I really don’t want it to happen again. Is it normal for it to be happening to me? Is that why mommy and daddy asked uncle to babysit me again?
Goodnight diary,
Taylor
I closed the book before I could even read more. I couldn't read anymore. I refuse to go back to the past and remember those days. I don't want to remember those times when I would plead with my parents not to go on business trips. I don't want to remember me begging my parents not to leave me with him, no, it. I don't ever want to remember it’s face nor what it did to me. I just wish I had the courage to tell my parents what happened 10 years ago. But it threatened me that it will get worse next time if I told my parents. At least now that I'm about to go to college I don't need that monster to take care of me anymore. At least I don’t have to be a prey anymore waiting for my predator to feast on me. I placed the diary back from where I found it and went downstairs to find my parents working in the dining room. I gathered up the courage that I could muster and told them. I finally decided to tell them what had happened to me, which also made me want to tell my story to other people and to other little girls who have or are also experiencing the same things I've experienced. To let them know that they are not alone in this fight and to give them the courage to speak up and be heard.